Black KATS
by Felixman
Summary: Mitarashi Anko has always wanted a Student. Kimikari Ai has always wanted a teacher. You'd think life would be easy... you'd be wrong.


**Black KATS**

A Naruto Fanfic by Felixman

OoOoOoO

_Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, Sasuke would be mulch. Since he's not, it's safe to assume I own none of the intellectual properties involved in the Naruto Franchise._

_OoOoOoO_

Sighing loudly, Tsunade took a long pull of her now-cold tea and scowled darkly at the remaining paperwork littering her desk. Since the surprise attack by the Hidden Village of Sound during the Chunin Exam a year and a half ago, Konoha had been suffering from a perpetual manpower shortage, made worse by the process of replacing the Third Hokage with the current, less than thrilled, Fifth.

Every one of her ninja, from the most talented Jonin to embarrassingly inexperienced Genin had been pushed as far as she dared with a seemingly endless supply of missions. She had reorganized, stretched her subordinates thin and by the grace of God, had somehow managed to cover all the missions that needed doing, keeping the city's vaults at least partially filled with cash and allowing the ongoing rebuilding to continue unimpeded.

Until now. She'd pulled all her tried-and-true team restructuring tricks, but she was forced to admit that she was now a team short. No one qualified or trustworthy remained to be assigned.

Of course, as if to openly mock her, there were untalented Genin and untrusted Jonin in supply, if she dared. That was what made her temples throb, trying to select the lesser of two evils. On the one hand, letting missions and vital Village tasks slip was a sure sign of weakness that will bring the proverbial vultures running. On the other... she really hated to scrape the bottom of the barrel like this.

Squeezing the bridge of her nose in a futile attempt to suppress her headache, the Slug Sannin pressed the buzzer on her intercom, which was promptly answered by her student-turned assistant, Shizune. She really hoped she wasn't making a mistake.

"Yes, Hokage-sama? Did you finish all the mission assignments so we can go out to lunch?" the younger woman's voice chimed in, brimming with perkiness and the energy that came with a life free of endless paperwork, making the Hokage's eyebrow twitch.

Tsunade swore to herself that, one day, her first apprentice would be forced to cope with one of her mountains of documents in need of signing until she, inevitably, had a break down and became as bitter and angry as the blond was... and when that happened, the older woman planned to drink herself to the razor-edge of death in celebration.

And chant 'I told you so' at the top of her lungs. For hours. From the top of the Hokage monument.

"Get in here, I need your opinion on something." Tsunade replied with a slight growl in her tone, the mental image of an emotionally burnt-out Shizune still dancing in her mind. Someday...

Not bothering with a reply, the younger woman rose from her seat, gliding her hand down her body to smooth non-existent wrinkles in her kimono before she slipped into the office with a friendly smile, walking to her teacher's side and offering a tiny, polite bow.

"What do you need, sensei?" she asked with a curious tilt of her brown-haired head. Finishing off her beverage and banging the cup down with an annoyed grunt, Tsunade straightened in her seat and flipped one of her twin ponytails back over her shoulder before holding up a particular mission scroll.

"I managed to get teams spread out to cover almost all of our missions, but this one was left over and we just can't put it off." The woman sighed. Leaning down, Shizune scanned the document and nodded slowly, her pretty features setting in a pout-like frown.

"The border patrol near Lightning country needs to be relieved. You're right, sensei, we can't leave them out there another month, that team is overdue for some rest as it is." Tsunade slumped at her students words. Sure, that was the same conclusion she'd reached but, just this once, it would have been nice to be wrong.

"All of our qualified Jonin are tied up or in desperate need of some time off before they crack under the strain. I won't have my men breaking down from overwork if I can help it. We could send a Chunin, but there aren't enough qualified Genin to make up the loss in strength. That, my dear, means we are left with Plan C."

Shizune blinked at her frowning commander.

"Plan C?" she prompted, making Tsunade groan and silently curse her dead teacher. Why did Sarutobi have to take the easy way out and get himself killed? This should be his mess to clean up.

"We need to send a Special Jonin and some of the KATS out on the patrol." The Hokage couldn't help but smirk slightly as some of the color drained from her student's face as the potential for disaster made itself clear. "Yeah, that's pretty much how I felt, too. Now, which of the Special Jonin are available and up for the job?"

Shizune shook her head to clear out her shocked despair and set her mind to the task. Special Jonin are, generally, less powerful than real Jonin, mostly because of over-specialization in a given field. While strong in their own right, Special Jonin lack the well-rounded skills and experience needed to do the work a Jonin would... which is why sending one in a Jonin's place was a gamble, much like sending a boy to do a man's job... a poor substitute at best.

Still, when Shizune thought of the available Special Jonin lounging around the village, a name jumped straight to the front of her thoughts and she struggled for a moment as she suppressed a smirk. Oh yes, that was perfect. She owed her friend a favor and this was the ideal way to not only repay it, but make herself look like a saint at the same time. All she needed to do was bait the trap and let her sensei's natural impatience finish the job.

"Well, Ebisu is never on missions and with Konohamaru in the academy, there shouldn't be any trouble ordering him off for a while." the younger woman said, pretending to think aloud. Tsunade grimaced, her nose crinkling in distaste.

"That idiot? I wouldn't trust him to water my plants, there's no way I'm sending him on patrol with actual people to order around. Next."

"Hmm... The interrogation unit isn't all that busy... I'm sure they could spare Ibiki." This time, it was the Hokage who blanched, her cheeks paling as Shizune giggled.

"The KATS may not be the most valuable group in town, but they deserve better than to have that sadistic monster break their minds down into bit-sized chunks!" Tsunade snapped. She shuttered to think what would be left of the team if she assigned Ibiki as squad commander. The poor fools would be lucky to make it back with their sanity intact.

"Are you sure? He has lots of leadership experience and I think he could really whip some of those KATS into shape..." Shizune trailed off as her commander narrowed her eyes into angry slits.

"... Do I have to break out the sake? Is that what this is coming to?" Tsunade hissed. When her assistant shook her head rapidly, the woman bared her teeth in a smile that bordered on a feral snarl. "Then give me someone who at least stands a good chance of bringing their team back. Alive and mostly sane, if possible."

"Well... there IS someone. An assassination specialist with good tracking skills. I'm sure they could handle it... and if you handed over four KATS instead of the normal three, we should have a team nearly as strong as a decent four-man group without making the team unmanageably large." Shizune tried to give an indifferent little shrug to throw off suspicion about her scheming, but it was a wasted effort. Her sensei's face light up like a sunrise at the promise of a swift, tidy solution.

"SOLD! Gimmie the name so I can get the ball rolling and we can go grab some lunch." Tsunade grinned, lifting her pen with a flourish and poising it over the scroll.

Crossing her arms behind her back, Shizune provided the name. Her lips quirked into a smirk as her teacher scratched the orders in without thinking, too dead-set on finishing her hated paperwork to think before acting. It was only after she had finished that Tsunade blinked and re-read the name she'd jotted down.

People milling around the Hokage tower winced as the enraged roar of their leader shattered the quiet morning, followed by easily heard promises of Shizune's impending death. Shaking their heads and muttering about how the Third Hokage was a much quieter commander, the civilians went back to their business, glad they didn't have to deal with Tsunade or her temper.

OoOoOoO

KATS, the Konohagakure Auxiliary Training School, is were the bulk of the Hidden Village of the Leaf's shinobi are trained. Only a small handful of the most promising students go on to receive Jonin senseis and the considerable boost to their growth and future prospects that come with it. The rest of the hopefuls who graduate the academy but are not seen as being powerful or promising enough to be taken in by a Jonin are either asked to find other jobs, or stick to their guns and sign up at KATS, a nickname that these lowest of ninja find themselves stuck with.

As KATS, these shinobi amount to little more than cannon-fodder. It's rare for them to rise to the rank of Chunin and they become the stuff of legend among their peers when one makes Jonin. They almost all come from non-shinobi families and, lacking access to proper role-models, family techniques, and the unique support a ninja parent or two can offer, rarely amount to anything. Even Uzumaki Naruto, the shunned 'Dead Last' of his class, was considered better than any mere KATS upon graduation.

These bottom-of-the-barrel grunts are classified as shinobi on the simple technicality that they work alongside the more powerful ninja who make the Fire Country so rightfully respected. They take on the bulk of D and C-ranked missions in the village, receive intermediate training at best, and are considered useful mostly for their sheer numbers. Sure, any Jonin-trained Genin could mop the floor with any two given KATS, but the grunts outnumber their better educated counterparts ten-to-one.

Less powerful or not, having dozens of extra people hurling explosive-tagged kunai or firing off Grand Fireball's makes a hell of a difference in big battles and, realistically, there is just no way to run a Hidden Village with only the small handful of powerful elite. It wasn't a glamorous position, and certainly not an actively sought one, but the pay increased as time went by, there was the chance of promotion for the truly determined, and KATS had a much lower fatality rate that other shinobi since they rarely had to leave the relative safety of their country's borders.

That isn't to say that all of them are thrilled with their lot in the town's hierarchy.

Tightening her forehead protector, Kimikari Ai took a deep breath to steady herself for the day ahead and entered the unassuming gray building that was the Training School. It was two floors of concrete with two dozen rooms spread out within it and, for the last two years, she had come here, learning what she wanted to from what they had to teach and taking missions, all in the name of becoming the most bland, unimpressive kunoichi she could be.

When asked how life as a ninja was, Ai would always answer with the word 'Thrilling', in a tone of such unmitigated sarcasm that she'd actually made a new Ninja Academy student break down in tears before running off. As far as Ai was concerned, that was probably the coolest thing to happen to her since graduation.

She didn't count the Sound invasion, obviously. Loosing that many coworkers and buildings wasn't neat, it was a tragedy.

Offering up small waves and smaller smiles to some of her fellow KATS, Ai walked to the bulletin board and quickly gazed at the selection of classes available this week. Intermediate weapons skills, Fuinjutsu basics... Hiding for Dummies? Ugh.

What did a girl have to do to learn some more Katon jutsu? All she wanted to do was learn new ways to blow things up or melt them down... was that too much to ask?

Grumbling under her breath, Ai dragged herself upstairs and settled into the assignment room. If she couldn't get any decent training, as usual, then she might as well make some money. Her apartment didn't rent itself, after all, although some of her fellow KATS had joked about making names for themselves by creating a 'Pay-The-Bills no Jutsu'. Flopping into an empty seat, she vented her annoyance the only way she knew how without resorting to flames and another round of disciplinary actions: She reared her head back before whipping it forward and letting her forehead protector crash into the desk before her with a resounding thud.

"No fire techniques this week either, huh?" one of her classmates asked with a chuckle. Not bothering to lift her face, Ai groaned and flipper up her middle finger in the general direction of the voice, earning more laughter. Since KATS were constantly rotated amongst themselves to make teams to handle their missions, they all pretty much knew one another, although a few elitist cliques had formed that refused to 'lower' themselves to working with most of the main force, Ai included.

She never understood how you could become stuck-up in an organization of losers, but she'd seen in with her own eyes. Apparently, there was no pecking order so low that some twit wouldn't want to be at the top of it.

The mirth and mostly friendly banter trickled to a halt when Kenpachi Soun stepped in, his Chunin vest stained with various sauces and his slightly bulging belly peeking out between the bottom of his shirt and the top of his pants. Rumor had it that he'd once been a deadly Ninja, a lover of countless women and a man to be feared, but the known facts as far as the KATS could find where that Soun had been the head instructor and commander for the Training School for more than ten years... and it showed.

"Alright grunts, eyes front. Hashikawa, loose the gum, Ikari put the ninjato away before you hurt yourself again... and damn it, Kimikari, how many times to I have to tell you not to ram your face down like that? You're indenting the Leaf emblem into the wood." He could only sigh when the teenager moaned something unintelligible into her desk and otherwise ignored him. "We've got missions to do so, since all of you have volunteered for first dibs, lets get cracking." Soun paused, unrolling the first scroll and flashing his eyes over the mission details. "We have a call for caravan guards to the Grass border. Who wants it?"

A low murmur swept the room as the Genin discussed the mission and whether or not they wanted it. The low roar quickly stopped, consensuses reached by the various parties involved, and as a fistful of hands raised to accept the job, Ai slumped her shoulders and tried to sink into her desk in boredom. Eventually, she'd accept some random assignment and continue in her path of total mediocrity until she died of inactivity or some enemy ninja got to her. She wasn't sure if she cared which happened, these days.

That was when the window, and the wall around it, exploded.

A plume of smoke and a shower of debris thundered across the room, sending the KATS closest to the point of detonation either flying away or scrambling for cover. As the clearheaded among them drew weapons and crouched for combat, a woman strutted, not walked but honest-to-god STRUTTED, out of the smoke and smirked at the shocked gathering of younger shinobi, the Leaf insignia clearly displayed on her forehead serving to keep the masses too confused to launch an attack.

"Hello, children!" the woman chirped with a wide smile as she laced her fingers behind her head. "Your friendly neighborhood Anko-chan here, and I was wondering-"

"Was that a Katon jutsu?" Ai asked, cutting the older woman off and making Anko blink as her rant was derailed by the teenage girl peering at her from a desk on the far side of the room.

"Say what?" the woman replied in obvious confusion.

"The explosion just now. Was that a Katon Jutsu?" Ai repeated, her eyebrows knitting together in irritation when Anko rolled her shoulders in a lazy shrug.

"... No. Doton Jutsu. Originally used for clearing rock slides, but it's great for cracking solid buildings like this open too. Why?"

"... Oh. Never mind, then." Lowering her face back onto her desk, Ai silently cursed her luck. A stinking Doton jutsu. Figures.

Anko stared at the younger girl a moment longer before refocusing on the startled mass of Genin before her. A new grin stretched across her features as she added a provocative thrust to her hip to regain everyone's attention.

"As I was saying... I, the infinity desirable Mitarashi Anko, have come to liberate you poor kids from your daily routine! Or, if you piss me off, your lives! Pledge yourselves to me... serve me... and if I am pleased, the rewards will be great and the suffering... minimal!" She crooned, thrusting her fist up in the air, which made her barely concealed breasts jiggle in a way that had most of the rooms occupants either gawking at her or trying not do.

Damn she loved her life on days like this.

"... Did she just ask for sex-slaves?" a girl asked in disgust.

"God, I hope so..." a boy replied with a wistful sigh.

"Please, man. She'd leave your broken corpse in bed and be looking for a real man in under an hour." someone shot back.

"Hey, there are worse ways to die..." A general murmur of agreement swept the KATS at that, loudly opposed by angry women and, Anko suspected, gay men who may or may not be in denial.

"Dance, puppets, dance..." Anko purred to herself with a smirk, her hands thrust deep into the pockets of her coat as she watching the chaos she had so lovingly created spread... until Soun screamed for silence, ending the pointless debate and, of course, ruining Anko's fun.

Someone was always ruining her fun, but the Special Jonin didn't let it get to her... she could find a way to have a good time almost anywhere and the challenge just made it more interesting.

"Mitarashi-san, since you took out one of my walls and seem to be trying to get my troops to riot, I'm assuming you have orders from the Hokage to either make use of us or exterminate us?" Soun asked in a tired voice. Smiling brightly, the woman skipped to him, pushed her trench-coat aside, and perched on the edge of his desk, making sure she flashed her legs to the class as she handed a small scroll to the man. While he looked her documentation over, Anko made eye contact with one male Genin and, with deliberate sensuality, dragged her tongue over her upper lip and let out a tiny, but audible, moan. The poor boy collapsed in a dead faint, the people around him hopping out of the way as he crashed into the floor while Anko barked out a laugh.

She'd have to remember to come her more often... these kids were easy marks.

"It pains me to say this..." Soun rumbled as he dropped the scroll onto his cluttered desk, "... but Mitarashi-san here has official clearance from Tsunade-sama to take four of you with her on a B-ranked Patrol mission at the border to Lightning Country." Gasps of horror rang out and, much to Anko's amusement, one of the girls present actually dove out the hole she'd made in the wall, resulting in a rather dramatic escape, complete with a fading scream and a loud thump that ended in silence.

Rubbing his face and staring at the ceiling in silent prayer, Soun eventually focused on the woman who'd turned his facility upside down. "Take whichever ones you want... just try to bring them back."

"Of course!" Anko grinned, flashing the man a thumbs up.

"... Alive." He added, deadpan.

"... Kill-joy..." she huffed, crossing her arms under her ample bosom as she settled into a pout. The room became unearthly quiet as the KATS allowed themselves to process the implications of Anko's choice of words.

Once Soun had groaned in aggravation bordering on physical pain and slumped deeper into his chair, Anko hopped to her feet and wandered the room, looking the victims... Er... recruits... up and down, humming to herself.

"You'll do, I like pointy things." She commented while pinching Ikari's cheek and making the young man scowl before shoving his ninjato back into it's sheath. "And... you, trying to crawl out the door! You too." Saotome cursed loudly and rose, taking a seat next to Ikari and sulking as Anko giggled and resumed looking around. "Skinny! Yeah, with the inhaler... you belong to Anko, now." She grinned savagely, making Mishima gasp, hyperventilate, and take another hit from his rescue inhaler to stave off respiratory failure.

Looking her three choices up and down, Anko was pleased at the mix of terror and irritation they displayed. Yes, tormenting them should make the next month memorable.

Now, just one more...

Walking over to Ai's desk, Anko took a moment to admire the kunoichi's impressively long black hair before she rapped her knuckles on the back of the girl's skull. Ai grunted softly, so Anko did it again, harder, earning a slightly louder, more dismissive grunt.

"Come play with me!" Anko demanded with a hint of playful whining in her tone once it became clear that the girl wasn't going to respond to her knocking with any actual words.

"Go away." Ai groaned, her voice muffled since she refused to raise her face off the desk.

"It's an order from the Hokage..." Anko countered in a sing-song tone.

"I'm overdue for some down-time." Came the bland retort.

"Come on, it'd make me happy."

"Go get a puppy or something of you need cheering up." Ai sighed. Anko paused, tapping her finger against her lower lip as she thought. Her bright smile returning after inspiration chose to bless her, she leaned down and whispered into the other kunoichi's ear.

"I'll let you carry twice your maximum legal limit in explosive tags..." her husky voice promised before she took a step back to get a better view of the impending show.

"Anko-Sama!" Ai squealed as she launched to her feet, her desk spinning across the room to narrowly miss Soun. While her head teacher-slash-commander cursed the day she was born, Ai took up Anko's hands in her own and gently kissed the woman's knuckles before staring at the Special Jonin with large, happily-shining eyes. "I'm Kimikari Ai! As long as you let me play with fire and explosives, it's a pleasure to work with you!"

"... Good girl!" Anko declared, ruffling the teen's hair and setting the girl's ponytail to waving while smiling happily when the ninja simply leaned into it, accepting the price of dealing with the older woman. Throwing her head back, Anko cackled victoriously, making the male majority of her team flinch as if struck.

After all these years... A team of her own! For a whole month! Unsupervised!

Shizune was getting SUCH a huge hug for this. A warm, loving, friend-hug, not one of the public, kinky, make-the-men-drool hugs... okay, maybe both...

"Mine! All mine! Once their spirits are broken and the conditioning sets in, they'll follow me into hell with a smile on their retarded little faces!" Anko crowed to no one as she pet Ai, who was still too psyched about her impending increase in firepower to care what the older woman was babbling about.

The rest of Anko's new team quickly formed a huddle and began plotting their escape options as their Squad Leader continued to laugh like a madwoman and rant about their impending doom.

OoOoOoO

It was a three day march to the border with Lightning and in that time, Ai had come to a few interesting conclusions.

First, it seemed that Ikari, Saotome, and Mishima were completely terrified of Anko, who openly reveled in their panicked whimpering whenever she managed to wring it out of them. Second, Anko was very... tactile. She was always poking, pinching, or rubbing one of them, usually in an entirely effective attempt to get a rise out of the object of her attentions. Finally, Ai had learned that Anko was a liar. Not only was the woman not authorized to keep her promise of extra explosive-tags, mentioning Anko's name at the armory had almost gotten her denied ANY new tags.

Something about unpaid property damage and a blood-oath of vengeance.

All in all, the quartet of KATS were high-strung and cranky by the time they made it to the area their leader had chosen to make contact with the team they were relieving. Anko was all smiles and seemed to be having a great time, apparently taking deep satisfaction in the stress she'd heaped on her team. Between the snakes randomly appearing in their campsites, attacks by a 'mysterious' scantily-clad kunoichi every time Anko went to scout ahead, and being forced to live on ration bars while she used a Sealing Scroll to provide herself with a seemingly infinite supply of fresh dango, the KATS were... less than happy with their current leader.

The sadistic bitch.

"How are we going to make contact with the patrol, Mitarashi-san?" Mishima asked as he wheezed for breath, his asthma once again bothering him. Ai and the other KATS silently wondered why and how the young man still served in the field... after all the running they'd done, he looked read to drop dead. As her team looked on, Anko curled one arm under her breasts, presenting them in a manner they were all used to by now, and tapped a finger of her free hand against her lip in what they knew was her 'Make it Worse' pose.

Whenever her nails met her lip, it could only spell trouble for her subordinates, and they knew it.

"Well, for starters, how many times to I have to tell you? Call me Anko-sama, like Kimikari-chan did!" Anko wrapped her arms around the girl's neck and beamed a smile at the boys, who all glared at Ai. This was not the first time this had happened in the last few days and a sinking sensation in the pit of her stomach whispered that it was far from the last.

"... She promised me explosives..." the kunoichi whined in a feeble defense against her comrade's hate. It hadn't worked so far and it seemed to be failing her now as Anko giggled like a schoolgirl.

"Moving on..." Slipping behind Ai, Anko wrapped her arms around the younger kunoichi's waist and rested her chin on her shoulder, smiling lazily as she pressed her body against her subordinate's back. Ikari and the other males could only watch, their hearts beating harder, as Anko snuggled their female comrade with lazy sensuality, her nose teasing the girl's neck playfully. "Kimikari-chan..." she purred, making Ai shiver against her will as the boys all went wide-eyed and still. "Won't you do me a huge favor...?"

"... Dare I ask?" Ai mumbled, trying to suppress a blush as Anko's hands rubbed her belly in slow circles. The older woman noticed anyway and grinned in triumph.

"Well, you like fire, right? Be a sweetie and make some to get the other team's attention." she ordered with a smug smile before releasing the younger girl and standing with her other troops.

She failed to notice that they'd all gone disturbingly pale.

"... Seriously?" Ai whispered, sliding her eyes toward her commander. Anko nodded happily, raising her fingers in a 'V for Victory' sign of encouragement.

A manic grin slowly spread across Ai's face as the girl spread her feet, settling into a wider, more stable stance.

"Everyone down!" Saotome roared. He tackled Anko, making the woman squawk indignantly as Ikari and Mishima hurled themselves away and covered their heads, screaming something about not wanting to die as virgins.

Anko snarled, her hand clamping onto Saotome's throat as her playful attitude vanished in the face of her shocked outrage. "What the hell do you think-" Her rant was short lived as the tiny hairs on the back of her neck stood on end as a result of a nasty chakra surge from Ai. She blinked, letting go of the chocking young man to watch her fellow kunoichi curiously.

"Katon!" the girl roared, her hands flying through seals as a visible haze of chakra surrounded her hunched, tense form while she prepared her technique. "Ryuuka no Jutsu!" pointing her face skyward, Ai opened her mouth wide and exhaled a vicious column of red-orange flame at least a hundred feet into the air, waves of heat rippling outwards to wash over her silent onlookers. Cocking her head to the side, Anko could only stare dumbly as the pillar of flame writhed and whipped around like a cracking whip before abruptly being snuffed out.

That... would definitely get some attention.

Moments later, Anko was back on her feet, idly brushing her trench-coat clean and watching Ai, as the masculine KATS were on their knees praying and thanking Kami that Ai had opted to aim at the sky this time.

If you thought it was hard getting grass-stains out of your clothes, try scorch marks and the stink of burnt hair.

"Um... good job?" Anko offered with an apologetic little shrug. What else was she supposed to say? Thanks for not lighting our heads up like matchsticks?

... She'd have to remember that one for next time.

Ai let her hands drop from the final seal, smoke curling from her nostrils as she grinned savagely at the older ninja. "Gods, that felt good... can I actually light something on fire while we wait?" she asked hopefully, clapping her hands and bouncing in place excitedly.

"NO!" the boys roared, their faces gaunt with horror as they dripped sweat. They'd survived one of her techniques intact today... they'd be idiots to tempt fate again so soon. Ai crossed her arms and huffed, punting a small rock away in her irritation.

"You guys suck..." she muttered, making Anko snicker while a quartet of figures rapidly approached them from across the hilly grassland that made up the Fire-Lightning border, the Leaf emblems brazenly displayed on various parts of their bodies. The current patrol didn't seem surprised then they learned that the towering inferno that acted as a signal flare was essentially Anko's idea and, after accepting their official orders to withdraw from the lavander-haired woman, they packed up their camp and were on their way back to Konoha for some well deserved rest within the hour.

If they were snickering amongst themselves and placing bets on how many of the KATS would survive their time under Anko's command, no one caught them doing it.

OoOoOoO

Running patrol duty in an area with so much open space was a challenge, and not the kind that made Anko giggle in anticipation. Still, she wasn't the woman in charge of the group for nothing and, within the first twelve hours of their official take over, she'd made sure her KATS were on the ball. They had been forced into having intimate familiarity with the best locations to take up for watching the surrounding area, had set more traps than they cared to think about, and she'd put the team on a duty rotation that had three of them actively patrolling, one sleeping, and one awake to act as backup at all times. The teasing, headache-inducing Anko that the KATS thought they knew vanished during that time, or whenever she was giving orders, replaced by a taskmaster with very little tolerance for mistakes or needless questions.

She expected her instructions to be followed, to perfection, and heaven help you if you didn't manage it when she was in one of those moods.

As the first few days of the month-long assignment crept by, Anko made it a point to keep the group's schedule in flux. It kept her Genin on their toes, forced them to work in all manners of lighting conditions and, most importantly, let her spend some one-on-one time with them. Some shinobi were content to just blindly work with whatever ninja fate, or in Anko's case, random choice, landed them.

She wasn't. For all the teasing and hell-raising she partook of when she felt it safe, events in Anko's life had left her more than a little paranoid. It wasn't a matter of feeling better by knowing what her team could do... it was a pathological need to have as much information as possible so she could plan for as many contingencies as her imagination allowed.

And wouldn't you know it, the woman had one hell of an imagination.

By the end of the first week, Anko was sure she had her team's number, and she was less than impressed with the results, though she should have expected as much from a random gathering of KATS, if she was honest with herself about it.

Ikari, while impressively quick with his swordsmanship and Taijutsu, was useless with any Ninjutsu more advanced than a sad little technique used to fill a canteen with the condensed moisture in the air. He was singularly unmotivated in sparring, barely getting into it at all, even when she threatened to gut him on the spot. He was sullen, depressing, and struck her as the type that didn't put effort into anything, even things he claimed to enjoy. He was new to KATS and, if Anko's guess was right, he'd probably get killed by someone before his first year was up unless he snapped out of his funk and started taking his job seriously.

On the opposite end of the spectrum was Mishima, the skinny twig-boy with a bad case of asthma. She had, at least, figured out why he was pushing himself through his ninja duties despite his illness; he'd sworn to become an instructor at the Ninja Academy or the Training School once he'd made Chunin. It was a promise he's made to his grandfather before the man's death, apparently. Mishima's mix of book smarts, chakra control, and determination to live long enough to realize his dream could have made him a formidable ninja... if not for his chronically bad health and piss-poor Taijutsu skills. Still, Anko was forced to admit that, if he made it far enough, the boy had what it took to be a great teacher one day.

The pride he'd shown at her words still made her feel a little fuzzy inside, but she covered that up by constantly 'dropping' kunai near his man-bits. No need to let the team think she was going soft.

Mishima... was uniquely disappointing. A coward at heart, he'd shown an over-reliance on Soldier pills and wide-area Ninjutsu that screamed 'please find a way to punch me' to experienced ninja. Sure, his artificially boosted chakra resulted in some mean Doton and Raiton jutsu, but he could only last for a few minutes, tops, before the drugs wore off and left him in a panting, spent heap. His use of techniques was indiscriminate and she doubted his teammates would be safe standing too close to him in a fight. And he had the nerve to make fun of Ai...

Ah, Kimikari Ai, the only female subordinate Anko had and the only one to offer her full name.

She still didn't know the first names of her other troops and, really, she didn't care either. If they didn't want to offer them up, Anko wasn't interested enough to waste her breath asking. She needed to know what they could do and how they did it, not their life stories.

Calling Ai a pyromaniac was a gross understatement. Her willingness to unload fire jutsu was awe-inspiring, even to a self-professed lunatic like Anko and the girl was fearless, if uninspired, with her Taijutsu while being quick, though inaccurate, to hurl weapons at a target at medium range. She conserved her chakra reasonably well and usually lasted noticeably longer than her male companions in spars. She was, unfortunately, the worst tracker of the lot, having focused most of her limited training in combat, but Anko decided not to hold it against the younger girl.

She just liked her too much.

Ai accepted Anko's teasing quietly and, when annoyed, had the guts to be difficult while her male companions were too terrified to defend themselves at all. The female KATS took to her sparring and personal training with far more enthusiasm and energy than her masculine counterparts and Anko had to actively restrain herself from helping the girl when she made mistakes during practice. She wasn't supposed to show favoritism... and, technically speaking, wasn't supposed to train anyone at all.

Being the former star-pupil of the most notorious traitor in Konoha's long history of back-stabbers wasn't good for one's ninja career. She was lucky to have made it to Special Jonin, even if she was confident that her skills were up to full Jonin status. Anko wouldn't be caught dead complaining about it, though... she knew that if the town council caught so much as a whiff of her dissatisfaction, they'd label her a flight risk faster than Rock Lee could run the hundred-meter dash.

And that boy could RUN.

Therefore, as days slipped past and one week turned into two, then three, Anko did her level best to contain herself, watching the KATS from the shadows as they trained, or didn't in Ikari's case, and trying to convince herself that she wasn't paying any extra attention to her female subordinate.

Unfortunately for Anko, self-control was never her strong-suit unless there were lives on the line.

OoOoOoO

Ai spun, curling herself toward the ground in a rather elegant motion as she swung her arm out, unleashing a trio of kunai at the target that had, a moment ago, been behind her. She growled to herself softly when they all struck the general area she'd intended, but none hit the bullseye. Rising back to her feet, she stomped over to the tree she'd mounted the paper bullseye on and pulled her training weapons free before returning to her starting point and trying again... without much better results.

Lurking in the shadows behind a thick boulder on the edge of the small gathering of trees that made up the team's base-camp in the otherwise flat, open area, Anko shook her head. The poor girl was trying, but she just didn't seem to know how to correct her shortcomings herself. When she saw Ai completely miss her target on the next attempt and stomp her foot in frustration, she hopped over the rock without a second thought and walked toward the girl as she gathered her tools. The itch, the urge to make the girl better at what she did had been gnawing at her and now, she just didn't want to resist it anymore. What harm could a few pointers on kunai throwing do, right?

"Is it time for my shift already?" Ai asked, peeking at the shadows around her to estimate the time. She was fairly sure she had at least another hour before she relieved Mishima, but it wouldn't be the first time she'd lost track of time. Shaking her head, Anko held out her hand expectantly and, blinking, Ai slipped the handles of the kunai into her commander's grip. Without turning to look, Anko's arm whipped over her shoulder, each of the three weapons digging into the bullseye in a perfect triangle with the dead-center of the target in the middle of the formation.

Ai's jaw dropped and, smirking, Anko reached out with one finger to push the girl's mouth closed. She was so cute when she was awe-struck.

"Your problem... well, problems, are two fold." Anko began, making Ai twist her attention off the target onto the short-haired woman talking to her. "First, you're thinking way too much. You need to just let your muscles do their thing once you've picked a move. They know what to do better than your head does, believe it or not. Second, you're not putting any chakra into the kunai. Shove a little juice into those babies and they'll become an extension of yourself, your will, and they'll go wherever the hell you want them to. Got it?" Ai nodded slowly and Anko grinned, ruffling the girl's hair. "Then go get your toys and try it again, Ai-chan." Anko instructed with a playful wink.

She did, and she all but squealed when one of her weapons found their mark perfectly.

For the next hour, Anko stayed near the girl, offering tiny corrections and firm criticism as Ai kept practicing. By the time Ai had to move out to pull her shift in the patrol, her arm was throbbing in pain and her head was buzzing with excitement. She'd never gotten one-on-one attention from any teacher, never mind a Jonin-level one, before and the experience had left her more than a little giddy. She tried to be subtle, but from then on, if she and Anko were around at the same time, she'd casually ask if she was doing whatever she was practicing correctly.

And Anko would laugh mockingly, say 'Hell no!' and give a few tips. Little things... move this way, focus your chakra like this, keep your eyes here not there... it barely counted as teaching but Ai still felt like she had gone from slowly crawling toward improvements to dashing forward at a breakneck pace. She never verbally thanked the older woman, but instead showed her gratitude by helping her cover up her pranks on the boys and joining in when the woman teased her playfully.

Anko got the message loud and clear and, against her better judgment, couldn't stop herself from wanting to know the younger kunoichi a bit better. When the last night of the mission crept upon her, Anko set herself across from the other kunoichi and decided to start bridging the gap between them. Maybe she was just getting soft, or maybe she was lonely away from Shizune and Kurenai or... who knew what had gotten under her skin, but she wanted to give this kid, who everyone considered a total loser, a shot at the big time. A chance to become a real ninja, not some waste of space.

"So, what made you want to be a ninja?" Anko asked, nursing a hot cup of soup as she leaned against a stump in front of the camp's small fire. On the other side of the flames, Ai glanced up at the sudden question, chewing her sandwich thoughtfully before answering.

"Honestly? I didn't have a lot of choices. I lost my parents in the Kyubi attack, like a lot of kids, and grew up in the orphanage." Ai shrugged while Anko nodded in understanding. It was, sadly, a pretty common story. "Anyway, I was always a bit of a tomboy... getting into fistfights, arguing with my elders, ruining dresses so I wouldn't need to wear them... you know, raising hell." She grinned, making Anko laugh and nearly spill her soup at the thought of a tiny Ai taking matches to a frilly pink dress. "When I was ten, it seemed obvious that the Ninja Academy was the place for me to go, so I went. I really, honestly liked learning how to fight and use my chakra and I did okay with the academic stuff too but... when I passed my exams, and I ALWAYS did, my would-be Jonin sensei's always failed my team and send us back. Over and over until I was fourteen and the academy kicked me out... so I signed up at KATS and, here I am." Anko grunted and sipped her soup, sighing happily as the warmth spread outwards from her belly and chased away the slight chill of the night.

"Any regrets?"

"Other than not being good enough for anyone to keep me on a team? Not really." Ai propped one elbow on her knee and rested her chin on that hand, staring into the fire as her mind wandered. "How about you, Mitarashi-san? Any regrets in life?"

Anko's laughter was cold and Ai winced. She made a mental note not to dig into her superior's past too often.

"Kid, you have no idea." the older woman mumbled, barely heard over the crackling fire that separated them. She placed her cup down and sighed. "But, if I had to pick one to share... I wish I'd had students to teach. There are... things I want to pass on and other things I want to prove." she added. Ai ran her fingers through her hair, a confused little frown marring her features.

"So, why don't you swoop into the academy and snatch up some hopefuls?" The older woman froze at that, her body tensing a short, but powerful surge of killing indent rolled off Anko like the rumble of distant thunder. For a single, heart-stopping moment, Ai was sure that her commander was about to lunge across the fire and snap her neck. Then it passed and, to her surprise, the woman opted to answer the inquiry.

"I'm the boogeyman, Ai-chan." Anko grinned savagely, the light of the fire dancing in her eyes as her voice lowered to a dangerous purr. "No one wants their baby boys or little girls in my hands. I'm a walking reminder of the dark side of the Ninja way and people resent that... fear it... HATE it." She paused, tilting her head and giving a little shrug. "Although, it sure makes life more interesting." She let out a mirthless chuckle that set Ai to shivering. Her eyes darted back at the fire to avoid the woman's probing gaze. It was haunted and hungry, burning with a pointless rage that did not belong in a woman just getting into her mid-twenties.

Anko, Ai was starting to realize, was a bit cracked.

"Did I scare you, Ai-chan?" Anko whispered, her voice tinged with amusement and... something else. Disappointment? Fear? Regret? Ai couldn't tell.

"... Yes. I don't know if anyone's mentioned this before, Mitarashi-san, but I think you might be nuts." she replied blandly.

The fire popped.

An owl hooted.

Ai shuffled uncomfortably.

And then Anko broke out in deep, hysterical laughter. Wrapping her arms around her middle, the Special Jonin howled out peels of genuine, joyful mirth as she tipped over, crashing onto her side where she kicked her feet a little and continued to vent her amusement. Shaking her head and giggling, Ai couldn't help but note that her insane commander looked a lot less terrifying when she'd been laid low by a fit of the giggles.

She still wasn't going to eat anything Anko made her without checking for poisons, though. Has she spoken that thought out loud, Anko would have told her it was a good idea.

"I-if... if you think I'm nuts, why the hell would you say it to my face?" Anko gasped out, smiling widely from her prone position in the grass.

Ai shrugged, unable to hide her own smirk. "The first part of overcoming a problem is admitting you have one. Maybe you're one of the crazy people that thinks you're okay? I wouldn't want to help your sad little delusion along." Another loud bark of laughter answered the explanation and Ai joined in, her hands covering her mouth in a pointless attempt to contain herself.

Okay, so Anko was fun for a lunatic. It's not like Ai could have abandoned the mission a day early to flee a psychotic teammate anyway... that's just not how ninja of the Leaf did things.

"Hon, I KNOW I'm a few vegetables short of a salad. The voices tell me so every night." She winked, making Ai giggle some more. "But, really, all the Jonin in Konoha are cracked. Asuma is a chain-smoker in total denial of this burning man-lust for Kurenai, Kakashi is addicted to porn, yet refuses to let me into his pants and Gai..." Anko shuttered violently. "Have you ever met Gai? No? Well, I'm not going to spoil the experience. Just... brace yourself if you ever get the chance to spend a few minutes with him."

"He's that bad?"

"The man's fashion sense alone is a crime against humanity." Anko replied seriously. Ai stared back... and suddenly recalled the large Jonin in the green spandex. With a mental image to go with the words, Ai broke down laughing again as Anko looked on, smiling contently.

A younger shinobi she could relate to... how long had Anko waited for someone like this? For someone who could admit their fear of her and still laugh and swap jokes? Usually, only ninja closer to her own age had the cast-iron stomach to get past Anko-the-killing-machine and make friends with Anko-the-woman... but here was a sixteen year old making light of her mental instability and giggling uncontrollably with her.

She wanted to put the dark-haired girl in a bottle and keep her forever.

Shaking her head at the sudden, clingy thought, Anko rose to her feet, making a show of peeling her coat off and waving it in the air to shake off any grass that may have stuck to it. Ai, of course, looked away, probably blushing, so she wouln't stare at the thin mesh that acted as the only barrier between Anko's upper body and the rest of the world.

Hmm... the shyness would have to go. Immediately. But first, she had to be sure Ai had what it took.

She had to be sure the girl wouldn't crumble into dust under the things Anko wanted to... needed to... show her.

Yes... a test. A flashy one. These things were just more fun when they involved blood, screaming, and explosions. It was some sort of universal truth.

"It's time for me to relieve Ikari." She announced, pulling her coat back over her shoulders and burying her hands into the pockets as she looked across the dancing flames of the campfire and into the eyes of her... subordinate? Friend? Apprentice? She wasn't sure yet, but whatever she was, Ai nodded back. "Get some sleep... you never know what might happen before the relief team comes." She was careful to keep her voice cool, level, bland. She could keep a secret if she wanted to, damn it.

Dropping surprises was always worth the effort of completely hiding a small secret.

"Mitarashi-san?" Ai piped up just before Anko was completely swallowed by shadows. Pausing, the woman half turned, silently fixing her attention on the girl as Ai rolled her shoulders, her hands fidgeting in her lap. "Maybe... you'll find someone to be your student someday. Don't give up hope, okay?" she wouldn't meet Anko's eyes, but her intentions were so transparent, she didn't need to.

'Please teach me', the girl was screaming without words into the quiet night.

'... Maybe...' Anko's mind whispered back, resulting in a predatory tilt of her lips. Screw the village... Ai was all by begging for the lessons... surely they wouldn't object to her training one long-ignored KATS.

"That's true, sweetie... that's very true. I'll keep my eyes open." She replied softly before resuming her trek into the darkness and vanishing, leaving Ai alone with the fire and a nervously fluttering stomach.

OoOoOoO

Saotome stifled a yawn as the morning sun finished rising in the east. It had been both the safest and most stressful mission he'd been on so far. On the one hand, no one had tried to breech their section of the border, which was a blessing. On the other hand... Mitarashi Anko.

Oh gods, Anko.

Scrubbing his fingers through his shaggy green hair, Saotome suppressed a shutter of horror. The woman was insane, even by shinobi standards, and he just knew that the three day trip back to Konoha would be a total nightmare.

She'd made it no secret that she rarely got teamed with Genin and intended to enjoy tormenting them until she had no choice but to cut them loose.

He hopped he and the other guys survived... although Ai seemed to get along with their commander better and better as time went on. If the damn fire-lover was on such good terms with Anko, the least she could do was try to call that purple-topped lunatic off, but did she? No.

Women... they always worked together to make like hard for men.

"You're thinking about me, aren't you?" Anko said from behind him, making Saotome scream far more shrilly than his masculinity would admit and spin around to face the woman who had NOT been there a moment ago. For her part, Anko just grinned impishly. "I can tell... you always smell like fear when you do. It's sweet."

"... I HATE it when you do that..." he whimpered, clutching at his heart. Anko's grin just grew.

"I know." She chirped with a happy little titter.

He was definitely taking his vacation time when he got home. All of it.

"Do you need something, Mitarashi-san?"

"Anko-sama." She corrected with a pout.

"Do we have to go through this again?" he sighed.

"Good point. Let me rephrase." she coughed delicately into her fist, then pinned him with a glare. "Do you want to keep your balls?" She hissed in a tone that could freeze a lake.

Well, that decided things rather neatly.

"... Do you need something... Anko-sama..." he ground out between clenched teeth as he clasped his hands over his crotch. Anko's sudden, beaming smile put the recent sunrise to shame.

"I knew I could get you to say it before we went home!" She hopped forward, crushing him in a hug. Saotome turned bright red and tried not to think about her barely concealed breasts pressed tightly to his chest.

... Why did she have to have nice nice boobs? It wasn't fair... her outsides should reflect her evil personality, damn it!

"Anyway! Head back to camp." She said once she'd let go, making sure to rub her thigh against his as she pulled away. It was such a kick to watch teenagers wrestle between their hormones and their deeply-rooted survival instincts when she did things like that.

Besides, what woman didn't like constant reminders that she was desirable? None, that's what Anko thought.

"But my shift isn't over..." he muttered lamely, his mind still spinning a little from the feel of her body. No matter how often she did that, he could never seem to get used to it.

"Ah, don't sweat it. I'll cover for you! Go on, shoo, shoo..." she pushed him in the direction of camp, even giving his butt a swift kick to get him moving.

Sighing loudly and shaking his head, Saotome decided he's never understand that woman and set out at the ninja equivalent of a brisk jog... which was a speed normal people equated with frantic sprinting. He looked around, admiring the way the tall grass swayed in the breeze, the mountains he could barely see in the distance. It was a nice place. He'd have to return to the area sometime. The thick forest around Konoha was nice, but a little confining. All this space made him feel... free.

"Saotome? You too?" A familiar voice to his right cut in. Looking over, he saw a frowning Ai and thoughtful Mishima quicken their pace to join him.

"What are you guys doing?" he asked with a small scowl of his own.

"Mitarashi-san told us to go back to camp and that she'd cover for us... you too?" Mishima asked again, this time getting a nod. "Those must have been an advanced Bunshin of some kind... even a Special Jonin can't be in three places at once." A sudden, chilling though popped into Saotome's mind.

"Are we sure it was her and that we weren't tricked?" He whispered, his eyes darting around quickly, peering for hidden assassins.

"If it had been an enemy, we'd be dead, not running." Ai pointed out. The two boys went silent. Considering how the woman had sneaked up on all of them, there was no denying that they'd be dead is she'd meant harm. It must have been their leader.

The sheer confusion the situation was generating was proof in and of itself. The woman lived to spread chaos.

"... I hate her." The two young men sighed in tandem, their posture slumping slightly as they ran.

"Hey!" Ai squawked indignantly. "She isn't that bad! She's pretty cool, once you get past... you know, the whole being bat-shit insane thing."

"Easy for you to say. She LIKES you." Saotome grumbled.

"She likes you guys too!"

"Yes, but only in the way a cat likes the mouse it's about to kill." Mishima shot back sourly. Saotome nodded in agreement as Ai rolled her eyes.

"Big babies..." she sighed, making the two boys glare at her. The rest of the trip back to camp was silent and mostly peaceful, aside from the unhappy looks the KATS passed between one another. The sooner this mission ended, the better.

In short order, they were closing in on the campsite. The sight of Ikari breaking the camp down was expected... the sight of Anko tapping her foot impatiently wasn't.

"What did you guys do, take the scenic route?" She sighed as the rest of her team gathered around her. Swapping meaningful glances, Saotome and Mishima subtly shoved Ai forward, sending the girl crashing into Anko.

Serves her right for taking the woman's side, they assured themselved.

Looking down at the girl in her arms, Anko broke out in a playful smirk, her voice taking on a seductive purr. "Hi there, Ai-chan... did you miss me, sweetness?" Ai blinked up at the woman and let a tiny smile grace her lips.

"... Of course I did, Anko-sama..." She sighed dreamily, wrapping her arms around the woman and squeezing affectionately. Anko cooed, running her fingers through the girl's sable mane as they cuddled.

The onlooking men felt an unusual sensation. Pain without injury, dizziness without motion, and a deep, primal need to flee.

This, they decided as Ai melted happily into Anko's arms, was what madness tasted like.

"... Holy shit! Mitarashi's taken over Kimikari's brain!" Saotome screeched, pointing an accusing finger at the snuggling duo.

"It's the end-times..." Ikari gasped in horrified agreement, his half-filled back slipping from his dumb fingers.

"... We're next, you know. Our lives as we know them end here." Mishima mumbled weakly, his face ashen and shoulders slumped in defeat. Why fight it? Anko was like a black hole, sucking all illusions of hope and rationality in, leaving only a spinning vortex of random craziness.

It was enough to make them wonder if you were allowed to retire before your eighteenth birthday...

Slipping Ai the small roll of money she'd promised via the agreement her Shadow Clone had made, Anko whispered a quick thanks to the girl for playing along, earning a conspiratorial wink. Looking at the three young men and their lost, defeated expressions, Anko could at long last claim that she had succeeded in her goal.

They were, officially, broken. And she hadn't even tied them down or cut anyone this time! She was so proud of herself.

"Tell you what... since I want to spend some... alone time with Ai-chan, why don't you boys pack up and start heading back." They looked at her dubiously and she licked her lips, her fingers producing a kunai that she slowly ran up her trim tummy and between the swell of her breasts as she rotated her hips slightly and let out a throaty little moan. "Unless you want to watch her bleed...?" she offered breathlessly.

She'd never seen them move quite that fast.

In a matter of seconds, they'd stuffed their belonging haphazardly into their packs and where sprinting for home at their top speeds, Mishima taking a few hits from his inhaler in anticipation of the breathing problems to come.

"... Wow..." Ai commented, raising her hand to shade her eyes as she tried to track the rapidly dwindling shapes of her fellow KATS. Behind her, Anko grinned in anticipation.

"Ai-chan... you know you're my favorite, right?" she asked with false innocence.

"... Your favorite what, exactly?" Ai fired back wryly. Anko's grin grew wider and she flung an arm around the teenager's shoulders.

"My favorite anything! Person, teammate, girl, whatever!" She chimed.

"... Thanks?" Was Ai's sheepish reply.

"You're welcome. Just... try to rememeber..." the older woman let the sentence trail off into dark chuckles as her companion started to scowl in irritation.

"Remember WHAT, Mitarashi-san?" She asked with a sigh.

"You only hurt the ones you love." Anko purred darkly. Even as Ai's expression went from annoyed to shocked to worried, Anko bit her thumb hard enough to draw blood, smearing the red mess across her palms as she flashed her hands through a lightning-fast set of seals before smashing her right hand into the ground. "Kuchiyose no Jutsu!" she declared happily before Ai was sent stumbling back by a pulse of invisible force and a billowing cloud of smoke.

Coughing, her eyes slitted against the smoke, Ai felt her blood freeze in her veins as something... hissed. Loudly.

Something big enough to make the earth under her feet shiver slightly when it moved.

"Oh... my... god..." Ai whispered. Revealed when the smoke faded was an impossible huge snake. Some monstrous blend of constrictor and cobra, easily sixteen feet of thick, powerful body covered in slate-gray scales. The flared hood was wider than Ai was tall and decorated with narrow, jet-black spikes as it stared the KATS down with unblinking emerald eyes.

**-What is it you wish of me, Mistress?- **The snake summon asked in a detached, feminine voice after it subtly shifted it's attention to Anko.

Smirking, Anko rubbed the smooth scales on the snake's belly with one hand while jerking a thumb at Ai with the other.

"Kill her." she said easily.


End file.
